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COSMOPOLITAN ART JOURNAL. 



211 







So MANy good 
things have found 
their way into our 
\ drawer that we 
find it difficult to 
dispose of them. We shall use such as 
come first, reserving to a future Number 
some especially good paragraphs remitted 
by correspondents, whose love of a smile 
gives fair promise of " long life and seve- 
ral children to bless it." Send along any- 
thing, dear readers of " our" Journal, 
which can make a fellow laugh, for if ye 
would do unto others as they should do to 
you, how else can you discharge your du- 
ty in the matter so well as to send us what 
is your own private property of " good 
'uns V We shall be pleased to have a 
very " voluminous correspondence" in this 
too neglected department of our literature, 
for we never tire of smiling, and are not 
dead-set against a " regular roar," once in 
an hour. Nor do we believe many of our 
readers are. So let 'em come ! 

• One of the "novelties" of the sea- 
son is the long announced poem by Wil- 
liam Allen Butler, whose " Nothing to 
Wear," with its one hundred and one imi- 
tations, travesties, parodies, &c, has 
served to introduce him to a pretty large 
audience. The new poem is at hand — 
94 mortal pages, for it is painfully evident 
that the author has to disappoint expec- 
tants. It is called " Two Millions," in 
heroic rhyme and measure, and drops 
quietly into the great sea of such rhyme 
which flows down to us from Pope, Gold- 
smith, and their brothers, though it is not 
likely to mount to any crest, for it is too 
tame for any such exploit. It must min- 
gle with the " many waters," and be lost. 
The story is all about Firkin, one of 
the merchant princes whose fortune serv- 
ed to render the vulgarity of much of our 
"wealth" luminously apparent. The 
story is pleasantly told, showing a pleas- 
ing vein of humor, a good power of ob- 
servation, much power of ridicule and sa- 
tire ; but it is not as good as was demand- 
ed of its author. Like too many " first 
efforts," his " Nothing to Wear" was too 
successful, making a second venture dan- 
gerous for the disappointments it must 
brinfr, if that satire was not exceeded. 
Want of space forbids us to extract from 
the new production — we can only refer to 



it generally, advising all to read it, and 
judge how correct our appreciation is. 

Among late works is a manual of 

Homeopathy, by Dr. H. The doctor's 
directions will be found highly grateful to 
city husbands who have timid and nervous 
wives, who wake them out of a sound 
sleep to inform them that they are sure 
there are robbers in the house. In a case 
of this kind, Dr. H. says : " If they ima- 
gine that they see dead persons, or that 
thieves are in the house, concealed here 
or there, give arsenicum." But perhaps 
one of the most notable remedies in the 
whole volume is that which gives a speci- 
fic for lovers' quarrels. " When," says 
the doctor, "grief is caused by disappoint- 
ment in love, give ignatia, particularly if 
one cheek turns very often red. If jea- 
lous, violent in his motions, quarrelsome 
and delirious, give hyoscyamus, which may 
also be given if lovers quarrel much." If 
there are any more nervous wives, quar- 
relsome lovers, despondent fathers, ugly 
brothers, it must be their own fault, not 
that of Dr. H. 

The late execution in Brooklyn, 

of Kelly, for wife murder, called forth the 
usual street ballads, of the usual " simple 
and stirring character." News-boys, on 
the afternoon of the execution, cried : 
" Ere's your ballid of him as is murder- 
erid," and a large edition, price one cent, 
found its way into the hands of every dis- 
tressed family in the city. 

These " ballads " are sui generis, and 
promise to become quite a curiosity of our 
literature. That which followed upon the 
Van Dieman's land demise of Redpath, the 
English rogue, happily illustrates the 
character of this " popular" department of 
letters. It ran: 

Alas ! I am convicted, there's no one to blame— 
I suppose you all know Leopold Redpalh is my 

name ; 
I have one consolation, perhaps I've more, 
All the days of my life / ne'er injured the poor. 
I procured for the widow and orphan their bread, 
The naked I clothed, and the hungry I fed ; 
But still I am senienced. you must understand, 
Because 1 had broken the laws of the land. 

A last fond adieu to my heart-broken wife- 
Leopold Redpath, your husband's transported for 

life; 
Providence Trill protect you, love, do not deplore, 
Smce your husband never hurted or injured the poor. 

Great tales of tali corn come to 

us. An Ohio friend just in from the 
" Licking bottoms," says the farmers con- 
sider the corn crop as ruined, for the stalks 
have already grown so far up as to place 



the corn beyond the reach of any ordinary 
ladder, and are still going up at the rate 
of one foot per night. We rather think 
"Licking bottoms" had better be fenced 
in for fear they overflow and spoil all the 
rest of Ohio ! 

Louisiana comes in for her veracity to 
be questioned. A Baton Rouge friend 
says : "A gentleman who lives about five 
miles east of this, and whose initials might 
be Saml. L. L., tells our friend Harry K., 
that he (L. L.) went hunting the other 
day for squirrels. In the lower part of 
his corn field he heard a noise in the top 
of one of the tallest stalks — raised his gun 
and was about to shoot, when he discov- 
ered one of his small niggers riding on one 
of the smallest topermost leaves. L. 
called to him, and the frightened scion of 
the gentleman from Africa fell and broke 
his neck. An inquest has not yet been 
held. Capt. K. thinks it is about time 
now to * acknowledge the corn.' " 

Both of these stories seem to us exag- 
gerations, but they may nevertheless be as 
" true as preaching" — that is, as true as 
some of the preaching we have heard in 
these very rich localities. 

Speaking of Ohio curiosities re- 
minds us of what is told of a certain edi- 
tor of our acquaintance, who received a 
communication as follows : 

"take notes, Sitisens of Ohi i notifyou 
all not to trust nor harpner frances s — on 

my A cont wife John s 

" pies printe this fu lins for me if no all 
rite make so for me 

" to wilim g printer." 

It was printed, and the editor got whip- 
ped by John S for not correcting the 

spelling ! Editors beware of John S ! 

The sayings of Douglas Jerrold 

are having quite " a run " — just as they 
had in his own day, when the great wit 
had but to open his mouth and a perfect 
" school" of cutiie and sword-fish, electric 
eels, and crabs would come forth. They 
are after this sort : 

" With women as with warriors, there's 
no robbery — all's conquest." 

"Treason is like diamonds; there's 
nothing to be made of it by the small tra- 
der." 

" In all the wedding cake, hope is the 
sweetest of the plums." 

" The character that needs law to mend 
it is hardly worth the tinkering." 

"I've heard say wedlock's like wine — 
not to be properly judged of till the sec- 
ond glass." 



212 



COSMOPOLITAN ART JOURNAL. 



li Had he to cut his neighbor's throat, 
he'd first sharpen his knife on the church 
marble." 

lt It's my belief that, when woman was 
made, jewels were invented only to make 
her the more mischievous." 

" After all, there is something about a 
wedding gown prettier than any other 
gown in the world. " 

" Ask a woman to a tea-party in the 
Garden of Eden, and she'd be sure to draw 
up her eye-lids and scream, ' I can't go 
without a new gown.' " 

These are all good, but we have heard 
better things drop from the lips of John 
G. Saxe and Pbcebe Cary, in ordinary 
conversations. If some one would take 
the trouble to gather together a volume of 
the " sayings" of either of these real wits, 
we venture the opinion that it would con- 
tain more corruscations of the true dia- 
mond than any similar number of pages of 
the gatherings above alluded to. " It is 
distance which lends enchantment " you 
know, good friend. 

A correspondent writes as follows : 

li Here is something I saw myself. A 
few days since a verdant youth with his 
blushing bride arrived at one of the prin- 
cipal hotels in this city. The head of the 
family immediately registered his name as 
'S. B. Jones and lady, Alabama, on a bri- 
dle tower? Is not this a new way to in- 
form the public you are in the hymenial 
halter ?" 

The figurative and absurd charac- 
ter of much of our common language is 
made visibly apparent by some correspond- 
ent who has not the fear of " being beat" 
before his eyes. He tells this mournful 
story : — " As a man was walking in his 
garden, he discovered two clothes-horses. 
He took them into the stable, where he 
soon broke them. He then put the yolk 
of an egg upon their necks, attached them 
to a cart by the bonds of friendship, and 
covered thorn with a sheet of lightning, to 
protect them from the flies. Pie then 
leaped upon the cart, sat upon the seat of 
government, took the whip of a top in one 
hand, and the reigns of several kings in the 
other, and drove off, passing through the gate 
of a Buffalo, over ground coffee for three 
miles ; but in crossing the track of a snail, he 
was run into by a train of thought and dashed 
heels over head into a stream of eloquence, 
where the cart was broken against the rock 
of a cradle. By industry and frugality he 
soon gained the shore, where he made a 
boat of the bark of the prairie wolf, which 



he fitted with a mast made of the north 
pole and two auction sales. He then 
sailed down the river to its mouth, and 
landed upon a tongue of land, where he 
was seized by a serious sensation and con- 
veyed to a cell, where he was secured by 
a chain of lightning fastened by a thunder- 
bolt. The jailor gave him his liberty for 
a Christmas present, and read him the 
report of a cannon." 

This misuse of the king's English 

reminds us of the incident related of 
Sheridan and one of his would-be imita- 
tors. The great actor once fell in the 
gutter — as, unfortunately too many truly 
great men have done since his day. A 
friend and admirer, coming along at the 
moment, helped him out, asking " How 
he got there?" The wit replied, "not- 
withstanding !" In ecstacy at the inimi- 
table pun, the friend walked away, and 
improved the first opportunity to drop him- 
self into the gutter, before some friends of 
himself, who, he was sure, w T ould repeat 
his good sayings. " How come you 
here ?" said they. " Nevertheless !" said 
the muddy blunderer, who had even for- 
gotten the words of the wit. There is a 
large class of people who make small re- 
putations by stolen wit, but, as a general 
thing, they are "caught in the very act." 

A "Young American" making the 

" grand tour " of the continent has this men- 
tion in one of his late epistles: " At sun- 
set we reached Gaeta. This place abounds 
in historical interest, and it was here that 
the Pope found refuge when he fled from 
the Republic in 1849. Among the legends 
of the place is one to the effect that he 
and the King of Naples, who had come 
to visit him in his exile, went on board of 
an American frigate. The commander 
welcomed them in these terms: l Pope, 
how are you? King, how d'ye do? 
Here, Lieutenant Jones, you speak 
French ; parley vous with the Pope, while 
the King and I go down and have a drink. 
King, come on.''" Who was this com- 
mander, Frank? Be frank, and tell us, 
you young Frank ! 

Col. Schouler, of blessed memory 

(Ohio Editorial Conventions, and all that!) 
is responsible for many a visible commo- 
tion under the vest. One of his latest, in 
reply to one of his rabid Boston cotempora- 
ries, is this : " A gentleman somewhat 
noted for a vein of humor was riding some 
years ago in a stage coach in New Hamp- 
shire. Among his companions were a 
number of gentlemen, whose black coats 



and white cravats bespoke their clerical 
profession. The conversation turned upon 
politics, and afterwards upon its inevitable 
concomitant, the institution of slavery. 
The clerical gentlemen were of what is 
termed the conservative school. The 
principal spokesman inveighed strongly 
against the anti-slavery leaders, and 
against Mr. Garrison in particular, for 
agitating the question so far away from the 
region most interested. ' If he wants to 
attack the evil,' said he, * why does he 
not go where he can make some impres- 
sion upon it, — where it exists ? Why does 
he squirt his little engine at a fire which 
is blazing a thousand miles off?' The 
reverend gentlemen chuckled heartily at 
this sally, and the speaker looked around 
with a triumphant air. The person first 
named, though an eminent judge, was 
plainly dressed, and had few external at- 
tractions. The exulting clergyman turned 
upon him as he sat silent on the front seat, 
and asked him * what he thought about 
it.' 'You, gentlemen,' said the judge, 
' appear to be clergymen. Your object is 
to do battle against sin, and to overthrow 
Satan's kingdom. Now if that is your ob- 
ject, why do you stay among decent, 
Christian people ? Why, in the devil's 
name, donH you go to hell ?' There 
was not so much laughing at that reply as 
might have been supposed." 

A Syracuse paper says that at that 

picnic where thanks were returned by 
resolution to Divine Providence and the 
Saxe Horn Band, the following words 
were discovered on a lady's underskirt : 
" Extra Genesee — 49 lbs." Oh, Chester! 

A friend of ours recently told her 

" help," newly arrived, to boil the clothes, 
preparatory to washing. Several hours 
after, she found that the tea kettle had 
been filled, and was doing good service, but 
slowly, on account of its limited capacity. 

Everybody has heard, or ought to 

have, ere this, of the " ticket swindlers " 
of New- York. Mayor Tiemann, among 
his many efforts to reform wrongs, had 
several of these ticket operators arrested. 
Among them, one who defined his profes- 
sion as follows, for the benefit of future 
lexicographers : 

" I don't deny but I am a ticket-seller, 
and make a smart profit on my business ; 
but I was formerly a politician, and know 
all about the ropes of that kind of thing; 
and I know that the ticket business is as 
honest, and, I guess, a little honester, than 
politics in New- York." 



COSMOPOLITAN ART JOURNAL. 



213 



"The ticket business is just as honest 
as nine-tenths of the business in New- 
York. To be sure, we fleece men some- 
times ; but who does not? There is a 
great deal of talk about ' bogus tickets,' 
but there are very few bogus tickets 
sold. We, that is, the regular ticket ope- 
rators, only sell good tickets at a large 
profit. Of course, we can't be expected 
to sell them for what they cost us ; that 
wouldn't pay. If we find a man who 
wants a ticket for Chicago, we sell him a 
genuine ticket ; but, of course, we want 
to get more out of him than it costs us. 

" We are not so bad a set of fellows as 
people suppose. We have our bad points, 
to be sure ; but we have our good ones. 
We do not cheat a poor man ; and we of- 
ten give away tickets to men who have 
no money. If a man comes to me who 
finds himself in the city without funds, and 
wants to go on, damn me if I don't help 
him. But I give you notice that I shall 
make it out of the next man who comes 
along that is able to stand it, if I can. If 
I fleece the rich sometimes, I sometimes 
give to the poor as well." 

" You operate upon the Robin Hood 
principle," suggested a by-stander. 

*' We operate on the robbin? everybody 
principle, I suppose," was the reply. " But 
we don't do it more than men in other 
kinds of business." 

Those who were not already posted 
may now consider themselves well advised 
in regard to this feature of New-York 
public life. Some other features by which 
strangers are " bled," have not yet been 
so happily •' illustrated." 

That was a strikingly intelligent 

person, who called upon a sign-painter to 
have a Sunday-school procession banner 
painted, and said : " We're goin' to have 
a tearin' time with our Fourth o' July 
Sunday-school celebration, and our folks 
wants a banner." " Well," naturally 
enough responded the painter, " you ought 
to have one. What will you have painted 
on it ?" " Wal, I d'n know ; we ort to 
hev a text o' skripter painted onto it for a 
motto, hadn't we ?" " Yes, that's a very 
good idea : what shall it be ?" " Wal, I 
thought this would be about as good as 
any : " Be sure you're right, then go 
ahead ! " It is fair to conclude that he 
had not " searched the Scriptures" atten- 
tively. 

It is a fact, however, that many expres- 
sions credited to Shakspeare and other 
moderns, come from the Scriptures ; and 



two-thirds of those who use the expres- 
sions, know not their origin. Thus : 
" Spreading himself like a green-bay tree," 
is from Psalms, xxxvii. 35 ; " Escaped by 
the skin of his teeth," is from Job, xix. 20 ; 
" No new thing under the sun," Eccles. 
i. 9 ; "A still small voice," I. Kings, iv. 
40 ; "A little bird told me," Eccles. x. 
20 ; " Peace, peace, when there is no 
peace !" is not original with Patrick Hen- 
ry, but is found in Jeremiah viii. 11. And 
thus of a vast number of common say- 
ings — a more attentive perusal of the 
Scriptures would advise of their real 
source. The above laconic — " be sure 
you are right, and then go ahead" — has 
served to render Davy Crockett immortal — 
what cannot be said of the authors of many 
a book. 

Mrs. Mathews, in her " Anecdotes," 

gives an amusing instance of the heroic de- 
votion of Munden to his art : " In that 
scene in the play of the ' Committee,' where 
Obadiah has to swallow, with feigned re- 
luctance, the contents of a black quart 
bottle, administered to him by Teague, 
Munden was observed one night to throw 
an extra amount of comicality and vigor 
into his resistance, so much so that John- 
stone, (' Irish Johnstone,') the Teague of 
the occasion, fired with a natural enthusi- 
asm, forced him to drain the bottle to the 
last drop." The effect was tremendous. 
The audience absolutely screamed with 
laughter and Obadiah was borne off half 
dead, and no wonder. The bottle, which 
should have contained sherry and water, 
was by some mistake half filled with the 
rankest lamp oil. We will let Mrs. Mat- 
thews tell the rest : 

" When the sufferer had in some degree 
recovered from the nausea the accident 
caused, Mr. Johnstone marveled why Mun- 
den should have allowed him, after his 
first taste, to pour the whole of the dis- 
gusting liquid down his throat. ' It would/ 
Johnstone said, ' have been easy to have 
rejected, or opposed a repetition of it, by 
hinting the mistake to him.' Mr. Mun- 
den's reply — by gasps — was as follows : 

" * My dear boy — I was about to do so, 
but there was such a glorious roar at the 
first face I made upon swallowing it, that 
I hadn't the heart to spoil the scene by 
interrupting the effect, though I thought I 
should die every time you poured the ac- 
cursed stuff down my throat.' " 

Why is a fashionable lady like an 

Indian in ambush 1 Because she bursts 
upon us with a startling whoop / 



" Uncle Tom" has been pressed into 

the service of " the church," by which we 
mean the institution over which Pio Nono 
presides at Rome. Mrs. Stowe's book 
having become very popular at Rome, a 
new translation of it has been prepared 
under the auspices of the church, in which 
Uncle Tom is represented to be a victim 
to the new doctrine of the Immaculate 
Conception. This is the cause of all his 
sufferings; for his adherence to it he 
incurs the lash of Lagree, and to it at last 
he dies a blessed martyr ! The Spring- 
field Republican presumes "that Mrs. 
Stowe will be somewhat indignant, and 
will demand of the Pope by what right he 
presumes to lay violent hands upon her 
heroes, and pervert them to such uses. 
Brovvnson, in his Quarterly Review, when 
the book was first published, claimed it as 
properly a Catholic book, in its spirit, but 
it seems not to have been sufficiently so 
for Italy. Think of Uncle Tom telling 
his beads, and muttering Latin prayers to 
the Virgin, and at last dying under the 
lash because he will not renounce his be- 
lief in her Immaculate Conception !" 

The " church" will next steal " Uncle 
Ned ; " we suppose, and advise us that 

" He had no wool on the top of his head, 
In the place where the wool ought to grow," 

because he was rash enough to take a 

turn with a Papal " bull," and got butted 

off a bridge. We object to the church 

thus taking the romance all away from the 

only "national character" which Johnny 

Bull says we have got. Anthony Burns 

belongs to our fugitive literature — the 

church may have him, but Old Uncle Ned 

cannot be spared yet, nor Uncle Tom, for 

they serve us abroad as the bit of paper does 

the applicant for a station in the kitchen 

— gives us a " char-ac-ther," to be sure. 

They must sell very bad liquor in 

Maine, when they sell any, for an editor 
states that he had occasion to take some 
the other night, and he could not tell 
whether it was brandy or a torch-light 
procession going down his throat. 

The errors of telegraphy are so 

numerous, and sometimes so provoking, as 
to render it doubtful if the wires can be 
trusted at all times. As newspaper edi- 
tor, we have had experiences in that way, 
which it might not be safe for the custom 
of the offices to repeat. We may safely 
repeat, however, what has happened to 
others. 

One gentleman, a forwarding merchant, 
sent the following to an agent : " Please 



J 



214 



COSMOPOLITAN ART JOURNAL. 



send me a shipping-book for eighteen 
forty-nine. 1 ' 

The dispatch, as received, read as fol- 
lows : 

" Please send me a shipping box eigh- 
teen feet by nine." 

Another case is told of a gentleman who, 
having been subpoenaed by the Supreme 
Court to attend a trial, telegraphed to his 
employer to send a man to occupy his place 
while he went to court. The employer 
telegraphed back : 

" See the Judge at once and get excus- 
ed. I cannot send a man in your place." 
The dispatch, as received, read as fol- 
lows : 

" See the Judge at once and get l exe- 
cuted.' I can send a man in your place." 
Not long since a gentleman telegraphed 
to a friend at Cleveland an interesting 
family affair, as follows: 

" Sarah and little one doing well.'* 
The telegraph reached its destination, 
when it read thus : 

" Sarah and litter all doing well." 
The recipient telegraphed back the fol- 
lowing startling query : 

" For Heaven's sake, how many has she 
got?" 

Another time a gentleman sent a dis- 
patch to a business friend to call upon a 
third party in relation to some commercial 
transaction. His dispatch was intended to 
read thus : 

li Call at the Post-office and see My- 
gatt." 

The recipient's message read : 
" Call at the Post-office and see my 
gal." 

Not even apprehending the mistake, the 
recipient called at the Post-office and in- 
quired if there was a young lady there, 
and only discovered the error after being 
well laughed at. 

If news editors and reporters did not 
exercise uncommon sagacity, the telegra- 
phic columns of our papers would present 
a vast mass of jargon. It requires mighty 
good guessing, as it is, to tell, at times, 
what is meant. Yet, notwithstanding all 
this, the telegraph is a great institution. 

The Young Men's Association, at 

Great Bend, in Tennessee, has the floor. 
It published, recently, one of its addresses, 
and we cannot do else than quote some 
passages as indicative of the progress of 
eloquence in this " gel-lorious Union" of 
the Yankee. The subject of the address 
(" published by request") is the " Romance 
of Reform." It thus preludes : 



" To chide the reprehensible is an im- 
pulse of humanity, but to impersonate the 
transgressor, is to surrender in guilt. This 
surrender concedes an implication, absolute 
as it is universal, of man's relationship as 
transgressor, and of his involvement in the 
limitless expansion of exceptionable under- 
takings. The extension of this involve- 
ment varies like its magnitude in the ra- 
tio of its intensity — in the indulgence of 
its participants — and in the complexity of 
its aspiration." 

Ha ! hold there ! Let us recover, for 
we are vaulting through the mazes of a 
double somerset into the empyrean blue 
of limitless expansion. Now, we are up^- 
right again. Go ahead, Great Bend ! 

"Romance of reform lies not in glitter- 
ing phantasms, dazzling the impetuous 
with blazes of excellence — not in vague 
sentimentalism reproaching the languor of 
sudden vicissitude — not in national cele- 
brations from party eminence or halcyon 
repose — not in rattling thunders of boiling 
eloquence, or in a patriot's zeal for his 
country's good ; but it lies in substituting 
the calm repose of regularity to the wild 
madness of intensity and perturbation." 

Avast, again, oh! excellent as " blazes!" 
That " rattling thunders of boiling elo- 
quence" has knocked us into a cotton jen- 
ny of tremor — yes, almost into collapse. 
There now ; we have " substituted the 
calm of repose" for the " boiling thunder"- 1 - 
so " go in" again : 

" Such a theme needs no epitasis. It 
needs no amphitheatre with its Ignatius 
irritating the loins to accelerate his glory. 
It needs not the intellect of an Origen — 
the inflexibility of a Lamentius — or the 
sauvity of a Pionius for its apodosis." 

Ho — ho — hold on ! Out of wind again. 
We have a Pisistratus weakness of want 
of comprehensibility, at righteous seasons. 
Origen, Lamentius, Pionius — good fellows, 
that's a fact ; little old fogy, but some on a 
stump. Now, go on, but more slowly, if 
you please : 

" Some of our ladies find this romance 
mid flounces and ostentation — mid luxury 
and expense — mid smatterers of French 
peppered with Latin — of Latin salted with 
Greek — or of Greek hashed with German. 
To petrify their brains with problems or 
dishes would be blowing up the ramparts 
of beauty and fortune — pillaging the flower 
pots of geranium magnificence, and insul- 
ting the bounties of a benevolent God. 
The hot-aired furnace — the attenuated 
visage — the wasted finger — the powdered 



varnish — the wasp-like waist, are to them 
sublimated attainments, stereotyped as the 
magnets to a pauperized neglect." 

Hurra ! Give it to 'em. No business 
to be women. " Blowing up the ramparts 
of Beauty!" Good! Then they will 
have no more use for crinoline — whoop ! 
That will do for to-day ; we will cry 
" whoop !" in our very dreams. That 
association may " count us in" for one seat 
hereafter. 

Stebbins came to town with a load 

of apples, which he swapped off for a half 
barrel of mackerel, and a quarter interest 
in a lottery ticket. He staid all night for 
the lottery to draw, and paid half his fish 
for his bill. The ticket in which he had 
an interest drew a box of India chola- 
gogue, a mule, and bass viol. He took 
the cholagogue and the bass viol for his 
share, leaving the mule for his partners. 
The rest of his fish he gave for cat-gut 
for the viol, and half the cholagogue for a 
bow. He started for home ; and having 
strung up the viol, dashed the bow furious- 
ly across the strings to try its " tone." 
The noise frightened his horse, and he 
ran away. Stebbins "fetched him up " 
against the bridge, and the shock threw 
Stebbins and his viol over the side into 
the creek. The viol floated away, and 
Stebbins crawled back to his wagon to 
find his cholagogue all broken and spilled 
out. He arrived at home. His wife 
asked what he got for his apples, and he 
showed the viol bow ; whereupon she 
upbraided him, and he struck her over the 
head, breaking the bow. "When last heard 
from he was picking another load of ap- 
ples to " try it on again," as he said. Steb- 
bins is one of the kind who " never gives 
it up so." He and John Phoenix are dis- 
tantly related, and are partners in the 
" Patent Back Action Sewing Machine 
Regulator." 

Our answers to correspondents may 

be summed up as follows : li Rose May," 
a tale — " Ho ! for the West," poem — 
"Over the Sea ; " poem— " In the Yale," 
poem — " A Trip to the Jerseys" — " Three 
days in the Adirondacs" — Cl English So- 
cial Progress" — " Mrs. Browning's Poe- 
try" — are respectfully declined. Some of 
them are very good, but not available to 
us. The MSS. will be held subject to 
order. 

" Ariadne" is informed that the artist to 

whom she refers is soon going abroad, 

and may not be able to execute the com- 

' mission she refers to. We shall have 



COSMOPOLITAN ART JOURNAL. 



215 



something from his pallet next year, if 
promises do not fail. 

"John T. D." is very unreasonable in 
his requests. If the Association does not 
accept his picture by reason of its too great 
price considering its merit, how can it be 
asked of the committee to return it free 7 
If he sends a picture for examination and 
acceptance, it must be subject to the rule 
ordinarily adopted by committees; and if 
refused, the artist must abide the contin- 
gency. The Directory will, with pleasure, 
try and sell the picture here. 

" Harriet de L." must excuse us for not 
sending her the files of magazines referred 
to ; they would cost us over two dollars, 
besides postage. If she will remit that 
amount, we will attend to her wants. 

A correspondent asks, " if we use from 
private letters anything which suits our 
pleasure." We do not use anything ex* 
cept there is reason for it; but, without 
orders to the contrary, consider ourselves 
at liberty to use what is not marked " pri- 
vate," or otherwise restricted, where the 
letter is directed to the Association offi- 
cers in their official capacity, or to the edi- 
tor of the Journal. Those correspon- 
dents who see proper to write very per- 
sonal letters to the officers, may expect 
their words to be used, so far as seems ne- 
cessary and proper in a reconsideration of 
the matter at issue, and no farther. 

We try, in all cases, to answer by let- 
ter ; but those letters whose answer would 
also be the answer to many others, we 
shall reserve to make this general reply. 

One of the most exquisite volumes 

ever issued from the press is the new il- 
lustrated edition of the poetical works of 
Edgar Allan Poe, published by J. S. Red- 
field, New- York. The works of the poet 
are household words in this country, for 
who has not heard the chimes of " the 
Bells" — who has not been fastened to the 
floor by the weird and solemn " Raven's" 
Nevermore ! — who has not followed the 
" ghoul haunted Weir" down to its fearful 
recesses, and seen the " Haunted Palace" 
rear its radiant head % The illustrations 
are by Birket Foster, Pickersgill, Felix 
Darley, Cropsey, John Tenniel, &c, &c, 
and of course in the highest style of art. 
The whole is printed upon tinted paper, 
and bound in a correspondingly beautiful 
manner. We are pleased to see such 
works, and commend the volume to those 
who love what is beautiful in art as well 
as in poetry. 



COSMOPOLITAN 




ITEMS. 



t 



The Dusseldorf Gallery, 548 Broadway, 
New- York, will soon have many new pic- 
tures added to the collection, rendering it 
one of the most unique galleries of the 
times. It now numbers over one hundred 
and fifty masterpieces by Lessing, An- 
dreas Auchenbach, Gude, Hildebrandt, 
Hubner, Leu, Steinbruck, Schrodter, Ha- 
senclever, and other of the great lights of 
the modern Dusseldorf school — the can- 
vases being of all sizes, from the " Mar- 
tyrdom of Huss," twelve by twenty feet, 
to the miniature Saviour, and embracing 
every variety of subject, of history and 
scripture, landscape and figures, humor- 
ous and serious. The arrangements are 
complete for " enjoying the sight ;" and 
the public are invited to look in and im- 
prove the opportunity for inspecting the 
splendid collection. 

Subscribers to the Cosmopolitan Art 
Association, for the fifth year, are grant- 
ed a season ticket to the gallery free. 



/ 



The Western galleries will open by 
Sept. 10th, with one of the most admira- 
ble collections yet exhibited to the public. 
It already consists of over one hundred and 
fifty pictures by some of our best artists, 
together with a considerable number of 
works by masters in Italy and Germany, 
which were originally sent to this country 
for exhibition in the Crystal Palace, and 
which were lately brought to sale by Bangs 
& Brother, of New-York. These latter 
paintings contain Scriptural and historical 
pieces of inestimable value and beauty — 
such as must command the admiration of 
every beholder. Purchases have been 
made of current artists to a sufficient 
amount for giving variety and multiplied 
excellence to the catalogue, and the Man- 
agement commend the collection to the 



attention of the public, and especially to 
the friends and patrons of the Associa- 
tion. The whole will be awarded among 
members for this (the fifth) year. Cata- 
logues of the collection will be made up 
as soon as some further important addi- 
tions are made. The next number of the 
Journal Supplement will contain the 
lists of art works for awards, complete. 

Subscription books will be opened at the 
Western office, to which all letters relat- 
ing to subscriptions should be directed. 
The Actuary's address will continue to 
be 548 Broadway, New- York, where cor- 
respondence relating to the general man- 
agement may be directed. 

Persons desirous of subscribing to the 
Association can do so at any moment, to 
any accredited Secretary, or can direct 
remittances to the Western office — re- 
ceiving the full benefit of the year's ar- 
rangements. What is in store, by way 
of annual engraving, &c.,will be announced 
in the December Journal (to be issued by 
October 10th or 15th). We can assure 
subscribers thus far, at this time, the 
engraving will be the best, by man}' de- 
grees, of any ever issued in America. 
Subscription will continue to be three dol- 
lars, for which will be given the engra- 
ving, and the Art Journal, which, it is 
only necessary to say, will be superior to 
what it already is — will be the best jour- 
nal of art and literature yet published in 
this country. 

Prospects for the coming year's opera- 
tions are good, and arrangements are now • 
making to give subscribers a more truly 
splendid return than was ever before made 
in this country or in England. The whole 
" Association" will undergo reorganiza- 
tion, and several new and very important 
features will be adopted, to do away with 
many of the sources of annoyance and loss 
to members, which the late system ren- 
dered unavoidable. Already a larger 
number of paintings, and of a far better 
character than the Directory hitherto have 
been able to obtain, has been secured — 
among them some real masterpieces, and 
perfect gems of art. These will be pur- 
chased as the season advances ; and the 
catalogue, it is but proper to say, will be 
one creditable to Art, to the Association 
Management, and to subscribers. 



JJ